If your friends go out to dinner or throw a fun party and don't invite you, let them. If people in your life don't reciprocate the time, care and energy you are putting into them, let them. If the person you are dating continues to not show up for you the way you need them too, let them. So many of us spend, or better yet, waste so much time and energy trying to change the actions of others, or analyze their intentions based on our expectations of who we believe them to be. When we release the false perception that we have any control of another human being, their actions, or any situation for that matter, we can begin relaxing into the reality that we are all doing our best with where we are. We are all living our individual journeys and the only control we have, is of our internal state of being. Mel Robbins posted a story on Instagram and spoke of this Let Them Theory. This simple phrase and perspective has altered how I approach so many situations now! When we accept this practice (I know, a VERY difficult truth to swallow) life begins to soften and we find ourselves able to live in the flow while standing in our own truth.
Letting someone show up as they are and letting someone make their choices does not mean you become a mat to be walked on and just have to accept how they behave or treat you. What this means is that you live and let live. When someone shows you who they are, believe them, and then check in with your authentic self and ask how you should handle, approach and proceed with the situation or individual based on what is best for you in your journey. When someone isn't showing up how you need them to show up, let them reveal themselves. Honor your truth and trust your inner knowing of who you are and what you need in your life and then you get to decide how you move forward. This path often takes honesty and vulnerability.
We know about the ego vs. higher self, the monk mind vs. monkey mind. Instead of letting situations where other people's choices and actions agitate us or seem faulty, what if we used this opportunity to check in with ourselves and see where this judgement or struggle is coming from? What if we practiced, slowing down, taking a pause, checking in with ourselves and asked where this judgement is coming from? Often if we take the time to ask and listen, we will get a clear answer. We may not always like or enjoy the self-reflective road we get taken down, but any journey to know ourselves better and release beliefs that no longer serve us, is a path to freedom.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
~ Lao Tzu
When we exert so much time and energy into trying to analyze or control the actions of others, all we are doing is distracting ourselves from the present moment and robbing ourselves of an opportunity to become more connected and in tune with the version of ourselves that is emerging. When we are able to remove the personal perception or attachment to another person's actions, we are able to see and respond to situations from a more vulnerable and authentic place.
What if we began to be grateful for these situations that poke our soft spots and instigate our triggers? With that perspective, we open ourselves up to see them as a blessing for the shadow within us that is ready and asking to be released? Spend your time and energy focusing on what you need and how you can support yourself with the feelings that are surfacing. Let others live the life they see fit for themselves. It is not a reflection of you. How you choose to internalize and respond, however, is a reflection and projection of who you are becoming. Next time you feel left out, disappointed or frustrated by the actions of another, ask yourself, what can I learn from this? Who do I want to show up as and what story am I going to tell myself?
One of my favorite analogies I use for the difficult people and situations in my life is the oyster can't make its pearl without the agitation of the sand. Be grateful for the sand in your life, they are creating the precious pearl within you.
All the love,