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Alchemizing Our Fear

In last week's blog, I talked about how we can use fear as our compass. Energy is not created or destroyed so I love the idea that we can transmute anything in our energetic body into a more supportive and productive energy. So now, the question is how do we go about doing this? Obviously, there is only so much that I can offer in a blog post but what I can do is tell you a personal story about an experience I had going through this and then pose some questions to hopefully make you curious enough to explore this theory on your own.

Recently I was face to face with some of my oldest patterns and limiting core beliefs. I truly felt, in every cell of my body that I was not safe and needed to self-preserve and protect. For weeks, I woke up with a feeling of dis-ease, anxiety, urges to control or micromanage. I knew what was happening. I knew this was me meeting and edge that I hadn't yet crossed and a ceiling that I needed to break through, but that didn't make it any easier. When the hormones and feelings are surging through your body, they are intense and impossible to ignore. I continued to practice my daily morning routines that keep me grounded and connected with my core and higher self, yet even that just felt like I was merely going through the motions. I Journaled, I meditated, I did my breathwork and they all would take the edge off for a short amount of time but eventually, the fear would creep back in. They craziest part is that I would ask myself what I was afraid of, and I couldn't even logically come up with an answer.

I have learned about this edge of discomfort, I have coached people through it but when you are in the tornado of it, it is so hard to see the blue sky. I just knew that all I had to do was not do what fear told me to do. So, every time I felt fear rise up. I listened to her. I held her close. I respected the role she played for me. I allowed her to yell and scream at me. I know she was just trying to keep me safe. And then, like I would for one of my children, I told her, "Sweet girl, you have nothing to worry about. I am here, I've got you, you are safe now - I am driving."

Then one day, out of the blue, I had a reflective conversation that put everything into perspective. I was able to zoom out and see the truth of life and my journey in it. In a snap, I felt all my tension that I had been carrying around, fall to the earth like sand. I felt a rush of love in its purest form, course through my body. I felt the truth and trust that everything is working out perfectly for me and the greater good. I just have to allow the discomfort and transformation to happen. I need to let go of resisting. Let go of thinking I know what is best for me. Let go of trying to be more clever than life so I can protect myself. All I am doing in that state of being, is resisting the blossoming into the next chapter of my evolution. As random and unexpecting as those uncomfortable feelings hijacked my body, I just as quickly and unexpectedly felt as though I was seeing life from an entirely new lens of love and deep knowing that I never felt before.

When we can hold the grace to allow our perspective to be such, the greatest challenges in our lives are often the greatest gifts for our soul's expansion. Just as anything dying in nature becomes an offering of replenishment to the soil for the next chapter or phase of growth, we have the opportunity to alchemize our struggles, challenges, and sufferings into a more beautiful and fragrant flower. When difficult situations or emotions are forced upon us, they are often mirroring back to us the things within ourselves we need to let die in order to be redesigned.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

~ Nelson Mandela

I know that I have forever shifted my relationship with fear. Not that we still won't have our meetups, but I have gained so much love and respect for the soul's healing journey she provides that I now see it as delicate dance. When we can change our relationship with fear it can remove the anticipatory anxiety as we begin to feel her creeping up. I now feel a deep sense of love and trust in the process and know that everything I am feeling is for my evolution and can surrender to the process. I know that fear is just a sign that I am ready to peel back the next layer and heal another subconscious story that has played in my head and body for long enough.

  • What if every time you felt the sensation of fear in your body you felt gratitude and excitement instead of worry?

  • What if the next time you felt fear, you listened closely to the self-limiting belief, story it was telling you about yourself and rewrote if from a place of self-love. "I am not worth" becomes, "I am a divine being and have always been worthy".

  • What if the next time you felt fear, you closed your eyes, connected to your breath, and imagined all the uncomfortable feelings and limiting beliefs, magnetically attracted to the center of your abdomen, and forming a heavy black ball? Then imagine that ball becoming a beautiful glowing ball of white light and love, that grows bigger and bigger until it explodes and all that alchemized love and joy spreads to all your cells in your body. What if you allowed yourself to be overcome with the feelings of invigoration and peace, and just knew a healing on a deep level was taking place?

We know that perception, perspective, and projection play a huge role in not only how we see our life, situations and even conversations but also how we react or respond. How great would it be to use that same understand towards fear and learn to welcome the process. Knowing what I know now, feeling this freedom, inner peace, and self-love that I never imagined I could access, I am grateful for that challenging internal struggle. When we show up for ourselves, we heal on every level and the ripple effect pays off in all areas of life.

All the love,


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