The space between the doing, the making, the thinking and even the being. It is the moment before the inhale an after the exhale. This "being in the gap" can feel like an eternity. Shunyata ~ Osho describes it as "no-thingness". "It is vibrant with all possibilities. It is potential, absolute potential. It is unmanifest yet, but it contains all. In the beginning is nature, in the end is nature, so why in the middle do you make so much fuss? Why, in the middle, becoming so worried, so anxious, so ambitious - why create such despair? Nothingness to nothingness is the whole journey."
This perspective has become the understanding and foundation for this new segment of my life's journey and where I hold value. As someone who is very passionate, driven and values productivity, you can imagine how difficult this was and still is for me to truly settle into. I often have this feeling that if I am not taking action then I am just allowing my life to pass me by and wasting precious moments. The truth I now see is that these brief moments of stillness in between all the movement are as important if not more important, in any transformation process.
Recently, I had this reflection thrusted upon me. Often, when a series of challenging moments present themselves, it can feel like such "bad luck" however, this last week, I had the joy of truly connecting to the magic of things unfolding perfectly and exactly how they are meant to for the greater good, even when it feels counterproductive. My new perspective of "we'll see" (I will explain more on this in next week's blog), has transformed how I view moments like these. I have been able to shift my perspective of we'll see being a source of anxiety and uncertainty into trust that the unseen has something better in store than the trajectory that I am currently on. If something is not coming to fruition or taking form, that's because it isn't supposed to. All too often, I find myself in a state of imagining how I think things should go or would like them to go and then enjoy creating external efforting to create perceived certainty that it will come to fruition. I am understanding myself more and more now that it is simply my fear response to wanting life to be predictable because it feels safer. When I look back on the best, most life changing experiences (Becoming pregnant with my daughter being one of the most epic), they came as a complete surprise, and I couldn't have planned them better even if I wanted to.
I'm not sure if you noticed, but for the first time in 59 weeks, I did not post a blog! Although I had most of it written and ready to go, my kids and I came down with the stomach bug which left me out of commission for a few days. I noticed the feelings that started bubbling up within me because of this. Judgement, criticism, shame. I knew that I couldn't muster up the strength to push forward even if I wanted to, so I had to surrender to the process and allow the gap to be what it was.
As I felt the discomfort in my physical and emotional body, I focused on non-judgmentally watching all the stories in my mind and was able to witness my ego trying to take control of the situation. What does this mean for my business if I fall short of a commitment I'd made to myself and my readers? What does this say about who I am as a productive, driven person? What does this mean for my future and how can I just sit back and allow something like this to fall through the cracks? I could have and should have been more prepared. The question I kept asking myself was why did my ego so desperately want me to feel so bad about myself?
"All you can do now is to relax into this no-thingness...fall into this silence between the words...watch this gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience.
Something sacred is about to be born."
~ OSHO
My prayer and meditation through this were to surrender and allow. Find the comfort within discomfort. Witness the feelings and know they are nothing more than passing sensations and there is a reason why I am processing them. I connected with my higher power and asked to be blessed with peace of mind and love and grace in my heart so that I may see the truth of this moment. I knew the more I allowed and leaned in, the smoother the transition would be. When we resist, the lesson persists.
So much of this most recent chapter of my life has been about growth and expansion. This, I believe is the journey of the soul ~ to explore and experience life to its fullest, whatever that looks like for each of us. The part I realized over that week was how uncomfortable the in between is and how I desperately try to rid myself of that phase all together. I felt lost. When we are not doing, who are we? When we are not proclaiming, who are we? When we are not healing, who are we? Such an important phase of all of life is that gap in between segments. However, so many of us despise that stage.
What if we began to look at things a little differently?
What if we noticed these moments and held sacred space to just be how we are, whether that is cranky, angry, hallow, pessimistic, avoidant, sad, insecure?
What if we opened our hearts to this stage and saw it as the alchemizing of everything we have been working on and allowed it to be our teacher, knowing what is revealed next will propel us forward?
What if we just knew that everything was perfect and working out for our best interest and for the greater good of all?
What if we were able to see the absolute, pure potential of these moments and not only lean in but begin to look forward to them and see them as the precious transformation of what is no longer serving us and has not yet become?
No amount of efforting can force things that aren't meant and relaxing into the flow and allowing life to unfold at a natural pace, will not prevent what is meant for our greater good. Do we need to hold strong to our values? Yes. Do we need to put in 20% of inspired action when we feel called to? Yes. Will the world fall apart if we don't show up for a few days or a week? Absolutely not! The divine design continues with or without our doing. It's just so much more enjoyable when we can see clearly, this co-creative process that we are a mere fragment of. How humbling and peaceful is this perspective?
All the love,
Pamela